


Argh! Anxiety!

by natigail



Series: Sanders Sides Videos - Virgil's point of view [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders - Freeform, Arguing, Dialogue taken from My NEGATIVE Thinking, Gen, Introspection, Logic | Logan Sanders - Freeform, M/M, debate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-27
Updated: 2018-04-27
Packaged: 2019-04-28 17:30:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14454261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natigail/pseuds/natigail
Summary: Thomas had the ability to materialize aspects of his personality, which was a rare gift indeed. Anxiety had begun to be dragged into vlogs with the other three - Logan, Morality and Roman - quite regularly but he couldn't shake the feeling that he didn't quite fit. While the others were opening up, revealing their names and their sub-traits, Anxiety felt like the odd-guy out.Everything takes a turn for the worse when Thomas is freaking out about an audition where he forgot the lines to the song because Anxiety accidentally tripped him up. Roman and Morality is hiding away for this one but unfortunately, it means that Anxiety gets roped into a debate with Logan, who might be able to see right through him.**All dialogue is from the Sanders Sides video called My NEGATIVE THINKING -watch it here**





	Argh! Anxiety!

Anxiety hated to be pulled into Thomas’ vlogs so often. It exposed him to the viewers and the other sides and he couldn’t just hide away in his room like he wanted to. It was awful enough that he felt the urge to take control of Thomas so often and fill him with anxious nerves. He didn’t enjoy having to do it.

He didn’t do it on purpose. It was just what he did. It was who he was… right?

In comparison to the other sides, he felt one-dimensional. He felt cornered into a box. He could see how the others were opening up and becoming more than their initial trait. He had thought that he might be like them.

But he felt as if he might have been mistaken and that he was just… plain old anxiety. He felt like a foe that kept Thomas from achieving his dreams. Just now, he had been battling with Roman when Thomas had an audition.

Roman had been so excited that this might be Thomas’ way back into theater. Anxiety knew how much Roman missed the thrill of being up on stage and the rush he got from seeing Thomas act and sing. It was a high that the creative side chased after feverously. The videos sufficed to sate him somewhat but it was something quite special to be performing in front of a live crowd.

Anxiety agreed with that. It was _something_. Only for him, it wasn’t something magical and wonderful. It was something utterly terrifying and anxiety inducing. Thomas had practiced so much but Anxiety had felt so damn jittery when Thomas walked up on stage in front of the director. Roman had been whispering praises and encouragements in Thomas’ ear constantly, and Anxiety had really tried to hold back and keep himself in check.

He tried so hard to fade away and have Roman stay at the forefront of Thomas’ mind. But when Thomas was asked to begin, Anxiety felt so incredibly overwhelmed and he accidentally caused Thomas to stutter and forget the words to the song.

He felt terrible. He never wanted to hurt Thomas in any way but he just couldn’t help it.

Roman managed to wrestle back control and nudge Thomas to attempt it again but Anxiety could feel the hostility and angry glares from Roman.

He felt personally attacked and offended by Anxiety’s interference.

Anxiety felt so terrible about it but Thomas was the one letting the feelings fester and interfere with his singing. It had been a beat since they last auditioned for anything, even though Thomas had tried to pretend that it wasn’t a big deal, it had felt like a big deal to him. It made Anxiety react and too many nerves flooded Thomas’ system.

It was such a bad thing. Roman had retreated to his room after the whole ordeal. He refused to come out. Morality was trying to get him to eat something to make him feel better. Anxiety tried to make himself invisible.

***

No, it can’t be happening.

Thomas is making a video to cope with the bombed audition. Anxiety can feel the pull, as Thomas calls Logan to the surface. The logical side never had much to do with Thomas’ theatrical performances and by the sound of it Logan has no clue what had passed.

Thomas does and Anxiety can feel the anxious tension rise as Thomas explains it to Logan, who isn’t picking up in the small hints that Thomas drops in an attempt to get reassurance.

When Thomas almost begs to know how he did during the audition – objectively – it breaks Anxiety’s heart a little bit. And he pops into the real world in an attempt to make things better because Logan is a very important logical element but he might also be the worst side for Thomas to ask reassurance of.

Anxiety knows that Roman and Morality are unavailable because Morality finally managed to coax himself into Roman’s room and now he’s looking after him. So it isn’t like Thomas has much of a choice. And granted, Anxiety probably isn’t the best one to be talking to but he can’t have Logan stand there and just not get it. It’s making Thomas increasingly anxious and he needs to manifest when Thomas is feeling like that, whether he wants to or not.

“I just want to know, objectively, how did I do?” Thomas asks Logan.

Anxiety doesn’t mean to do it but the words slip out from him the moment he appears in front of Thomas. There’s too many anxious nerves radiating from Thomas and it messes with Anxiety’s intended words.

“You screwed up,” he says.

“Argh! Anxiety!”

It shouldn’t hurt to be greeted like that but it does. He wants nothing more than for Thomas to accept him but he knows that will never happen. He can’t stop himself from mimicking what Thomas usually says, because if he does it, then at least he doesn’t have to hear the words from Thomas again.

“Anxiety, what is you doing here? Yes, this is exactly what you do every time I pop up. Let’s just skip that part,” he says through gridded teeth that he hopes mask the pain. “We get it. You don’t want me here but I’m here and this is what I do.”

He tells himself that again. This is what he does. He represents anxiety. He is Anxiety. It’s so much easier if he pretends that that’s all that he is.

“I don’t think that’s all that you do-“ Thomas starts to say but Anxiety can’t listen to it. He can’t get his hopes up that Thomas will truly see him. So he interrupts.

“You did a bad job, Sanders,” he growls and pulls up those walls tighter around himself. Nothing can touch him.

“Alright.”

“Where specifically did he do a ‘bad job’?” asks Logan and even makes quotation marks with his hands.

Anxiety can handle Logan. He’s the most straightforward of the Sides and he might be able to accept Anxiety’s reasoning. Hopefully.

“Try the beginning. He choked,” he sneers.

“Thomas, how many times do I have to tell you? Chew your food,” Logan says and looks a little astonished at Thomas.

“No…”

“No, that’s too literal,” Thomas explains.

“He forgot the lyrics,” Anxiety clarifies.

“I forgot the song, Logan! I tripped right out of the gate,” Thomas said and there’s so much hurt and regret in Thomas’ voice. Anxiety feels terrible all over again.

“Well, you should watch where you’re stepping,” Logan reasons.

“Just focus on forgetting the song part,” Thomas insists.

Logan’s tendency to take everything literally is almost endearing. It’s a pain in the ass when you’re trying to explain something but it’s something so quintessentially Logan. Anxiety can’t show weakness, or worse any type of fondness, so he clutches onto the first part of his feelings and only voice them.

“This is way more work than it should be,” he mutters.

“Well, okay. Would it help you to know that it’s not always essential to remember one’s lines?” Logan says.

“It isn’t?” Thomas asks.

He sounds hopeful and Anxiety hates that he has to be the one to crush his hopes but this is the real world and knowing your lines is essential when you have to perform. Logan should know that despite not engaging much with Thomas’ theatrical pursuits. Besides, Anxiety has experience of crushing Thomas’ hopes and dreams. One conversation with Roman and he’d probably tell you that.

“When is it ever okay to forget your lines?” Anxiety asks.

“In Christopher Nolan’s 2008 film The Dark Knight when Michael Cane saw Health Ledger enter as the Joker in all of his make-up, it startled him so much that it caused him to forget his lines. And that was so organic that it was used in the final cut of the film,” Logan says and there’s a smug look on his face that Anxiety wants to knock right off him.

“Yes!” Thomas exclaims and even fist-bombs in the air. But Anxiety can’t let one instance in a different creative field give Thomas false hopes. He needs to know the reality.

“That is an extremely specific and random fact to call upon for the sake of feeling secure,” he argues.

“Whatever works!” Thomas says and clings to it with all his might but Anxiety can feel that he’s already losing his grip on the frivolous hope no matter how much he tries to hold on.

“And that’s a movie where you have the benefit of picking and choosing the best out of several takes. This is theatre where you only have one shot and he threw it away,” Anxiety argues and cites a song because that might burst Thomas’ bubble most effectively.

“Ah! You’re using Lin-Manuel Miranda’s words against me. Logic, say something,” Thomas begs of the logical side.

Anxiety isn’t sure why Thomas thinks that he can be handled by logic. When he grows too anxious, logic is pushed aside and instincts take over. Anxiety could so push Logic out if he wanted to. He doesn’t but that’s beside the point.

“I mean it was colorfully phrased but it’s not an unfair point,” Logan states and Anxiety almost doesn’t believe his ears. Did one of the Sides actually just agree with him?

“Why are you asking me for help?” Logan asks. “I’m not usually your source of productivity. Why not ask Roman? He’s your self-confidence, ego and he loves these singy, arty, frivolous displays.”

“Err…” Thomas says and tries to summon Roman, which predictable fails.

Anxiety still remembers the glare from Roman. He didn’t say anything but Anxiety could feel his hatred in just that one glare. It’s the only explanation.

“I’m confused,” Logan states, which is understandable because he would never be in the sort of emotional turmoil that makes Roman want to heal and hide away in his room.

“I’m not camera ready!” Roman shouts without materializing.

Thomas lets out a sigh and Anxiety braces himself to be blamed for Roman’s needed retreat.

“Yeah, Princey was up on stage with me the entire time today and with the performance I gave, let’s just say my ego is a bit bruised,” Thomas says but doesn’t mention Anxiety’s influence at all.

Did he not know?

“Everything hurts!” Roman shouts and he does really sound in pain.

“Hmm, okay. Then what about Morality? That cardigan-clad clod is an unconditional source of delusional optimism,” Logan proposes instead.

Thomas tries to pull up Morality without success.

“Yeah, I’m taking care of Princey here, kiddo. Alright, Roman, soup time,” you can hear him say and Anxiety feels more guilt coiled in his stomach. And also a bit of jealousy because no one would take care of him like that, would they?

“Creamy broccoli? I told you I hate- Never mind, this is delicious,” you can hear Roman reply before the connection to the two of them inside of Thomas’ mind is severed and Anxiety is left just observing how Logan and Thomas are talking.

Anxiety feels himself going into battle mode because Logan is smart and he’ll figure out who is the source of all the doubt and negative feelings weighing on Thomas soon enough.

“Oh, that is not good. A cream-based broth will upset Princey’s stomach,” Logan says to himself, once again revealing that he cares more about the other Sides than he’d ever admit.

“Logic, focus.”

“Apologies. So they are of no help to you whatsoever?”

“No, right now I’m not feeling too confident or optimistic about my chances. I would hope that you would tell me that I did good. Objectively,” Thomas says again and there’s that tiny glimmer of hope.

However, Anxiety isn’t the one who crushes it this time.

“Yikes. Unfortunately, I cannot do that, Thomas. Perhaps, this time, you have to consider that you did not do particularly well,” Logan says.

Anxiety is surprised that the logical side is still agreeing with him but it’s a welcome change.

“Yeah, it was a train wreck,” he agrees.

“Time out. That seemed very emotionally charged,” Logan states and Anxiety wonders if he knows the irony of his statement when he claims to be unable to feel emotions. If one weren’t able to feel them at all, one wouldn’t be able to recognize them in other people.

“What are you talking about? I just said what you said, only more effectively,” Anxiety explains.

He just thought that he had someone on his side. For once, he thought he wasn’t alone. But clearly that isn’t true.

“Ah, I see the issue, Thomas,” Logan says and Anxiety tenses up and readies himself for the blow of the blame that will soon come crashing down on him.

“What is it?” Thomas asks in a small voice.

“I realize that there’s only one persona holding sway over your feelings and they fall quite heavily on the negative side of the spectrum,” Logan states and yes, it hurts. “If you allow your thinking to become influenced too much by negative emotions, it will lead to cognitive distortions.”

Lead to what now?

“Congnitis disportion,” Thomas tries to say.

“No, cognitive distortions,” Logan clarifies.

“Haagendazs dispersion,” Thomas attempts again.

“Getting further away. Cognitive distortions,” Logan says and he has his teacher voice on now.

Thomas’ voice drops to a whisper. “I don’t know what you’re saying.”

“When you think things are different than they actually are,” Logan explains.

That sounds stupid in Anxiety’s ears.

“Oh! Like imaginary!” Thomas exclaims excitedly.

“Kind of, but bad imaginary,” Logan clarifies.

“No!”

“Therefore, I must do what I can to guide you towards a more accurate outlook.”

Anxiety isn’t surprised. No one ever takes his side. They always group together and gang up on him. It just further shows that he isn’t a real part of the group and he probably won’t ever be.

“Of course. When it comes down to it, you take Princey’s side,” he sneers.

“I’m not taking his side. Did I say I was taking his side?” Logan asks.

“No,” Thomas agrees.

It just further shows that Logan has completely missed the point that this situation arose because of tension between Anxiety and Creativity. How he could have missed it, is beyond Anxiety because he feels like all they do is argue all the time.

“Quite honestly, I find both you and Princey to be a little too… extra,” Logan says.

Anxiety blinks. Stunned. Did Logan just group him together with Roman? Seriously?

“Vocab word.”

“Yes, I’ve been studying.”

“I’m so proud of you.”

“I cannot make you feel better with positive or comforting words but I can work to bring a clearer vision of the entire situation that this corner of the room is obscuring,” Logan says and the angry feelings swells up within Anxiety.

He wants to say so many things to the logical side. He didn’t think he would need to be enemies with all of the freaking Sides but he’s feeling cornered and anxious and Logan is looking at him with that analytical gaze, like he is a problem to solve. It’s deeply unsettling.

“I would write an angsty sonnet illustrating my contempt for you if I actually cared enough about what you’re saying right now,” Anxiety says but he’s deflecting.

He’s trying to stay in control and he knows that it’s failing because even if Logan is blind to it, Thomas is surely picking up on the lack of emotional stability.

“Okay, well, Logan, what do you propose?” Thomas asks.

“Anxiety seems to be swaying you with his reasoning, so I will attempt to do the same in the only way I know how. A debate.”

No.

Anxiety did not agree to this and he’s about to open his mouth but before he can, the world around him shifts. They are transported into a dream scenario of Logan’s doing and Anxiety is trapped behind a small podium. He wants to get out of here immediately.

He has absolutely no interested in going up in a debate against Logan. He knows he’s going to lose and it won’t matter what arguments that he comes up with. Thomas will want to believe Logan, because he always listens to everyone over his Anxiety unless Anxiety takes control by force.

“Good afternoon from the Sanders’ Mind Palace Center. I’m Thomas Sanders, supplier of semi-humorous tumblr posts at 3 in the morning, and I welcome you to the first and hopefully only 2017 emotional compromised debate. Between Secretary of Logical Defense, Logan, and Supreme Dark Overlord of Negative Commerce… I’m afraid that I’m going to need your name.”

If Thomas thinks that Anxiety would ever confess that when he’s been manipulated and stuffed into a debate against his will, he has another thing coming. However, Anxiety enjoys winding up Thomas and his audience just a bit, so he leans forward as if he’s going to tell them only to say a stern no.

“Ah, worth a shot. Anxiety. This debate is sponsored by the National Essential Reasoning Department or NERD-”

“Uh, or we do not have to abbreviate it,” Logan adds.

“And the Public Humiliation Foundation.”

“I’m a monthly donor,” Anxiety chimes in.

“The format has been determined by Logan-“ Thomas continues.

“Rigged!” Anxiety interjects.

It’s not just the format though. It’s this whole thing. He doesn’t stand a chance because both of them are rooting against him. He’ll never be able to explain to them why he’s feeling like he is.

“For one minute segments, centering around recent personal events that trouble me greatly, please help me,” Thomas begs and then lets out a distressed scream that makes Anxiety increasingly anxious.

This whole bombed audition really bothered Thomas more than Anxiety thought it did. He feels another wave of guilt wash over him but he tries his best to shake it off.

“Keep calm. Carry on,” Logan asks, uncharacteristically trying to say something to keep Thomas calm. He’s trying to offer emotional stability.

“You’re right. I’m an adult. Me, me, big boy. Nope! Each debater will have 30 seconds to answer their question, followed by a response from their opponent, are we clear on the rules?”

“Yes,” Logan says.

“This is stupid,” Anxiety replies.

“Let the debate begin. Anxiety, the first question goes to you.”

What? No! He doesn’t even want to be here. He feels the anxiousness building up inside of him.

“Too much pressure. No!” he tries to explain but Thomas powers on and ignores him.

“Yesterday, I was texting someone who I liked very much. They made me feel itty-bitty butterflies in my tummy and sunshine in my heart.”

Anxiety and Logan both groan. Fluttery butterflies are Roman and Morality’s departments.

“At one point in the conversation, they sudden stopped replying to me; my question to you is, do they hate me?”

The answer is obvious and Anxiety answers instinctively.

“Definitely.”

“Interesting. Would you care to elaborate?” Thomas asks and Anxiety has to think about why that was his instinctive response.

“I mean why else would they not reply to you? People use their phones for everything these days. You honestly believe there’s any chance this person didn’t see your text?” he reasons. Thomas should know this from his own experience. But the heightened anxiety in this dream space makes his thoughts spiral out even more. They are getting way from him and he doesn’t even realize that he’s still speaking. “You were probably annoying them the whole time and they were replying just to be nice. And then that got boring.”

“Logic, your response?”

“Thomas, this sounds like to me like a prime example of the cognitive distortion known as “jumping to conclusions” or inference observation confusion. There could be a multitude of reasons why they didn’t reply, especially when you are unaware of how they were feeling, what was going on while they were texting, their battery life-“

Logan is pulling apart his argument, Anxiety feels compelled to interject.

“How much they hate you.”

“I waited for my turn to speak. Do not disrespect the sanctity of the rules that we just made up just now. As I was saying, it is very easy for one to draw conclusions from limited data. But that is a fool’s errand. The information that you have is as follows: you were conversing, humans typically socialize with other humans that they enjoy, and for some unknown reason the conversation abruptly ended. Does this individual dislike you? That’s TBD.”

Anxiety knows what the abbreviation means but he knows that Logan is trying to learn slang and abbreviations and he takes his chance to possible sow a drop of doubt in Logan’s mind that he used a wrong abbreviation.

“Totally Believable Dude.”

“To Be Determined,” Logan says with a glare.

Huh, so that isn’t appreciated.

“Okay, well those are very important things to consider, so thank you, Logan.”

“My argument was more convincing,” Anxiety argues.

“Falsehood,” Logan counters.

“Next question we start with Logan.”

“I am ready.”

“Last week, I had planned to be super productive, get a whole bunch of tasks finally taken care of, and be ahead in life.”

“All thanks to my proposed efficiency plan that was voted on,” Logan says proudly.

Yeah, they voted on it all right. It was anonymous voting and Anxiety is pretty sure that Logan doesn’t have any idea that Anxiety voted for it. He would like Thomas to stay more on top of things because preparation is one of the ways he feels less on edge and prone to exploding.

“Yes! However, certain tasks were never gotten around to, and the plan wasn’t as successfully carried out, as I would have hoped. Was it all a waste?”

“No, not necessarily.”

“That’s not a straight answer,” Anxiety says. He’s so tired of Logan dancing around and not committing to a straightforward answer.

“Can I- can I finish?” Logan asks and Anxiety feels a little better for throwing him off enough to stutter.

“Well, are you going to answer a question honestly?” Anxiety counters.

They start talking on top of each other and Anxiety knows that this isn’t productive at all. They’re just talking in circles. They are both too stubborn. And they are getting absolutely nowhere with this stupid debate idea.

“Gentlemen, can we try to carry on with this debate a little bit?” Thomas tries to intervene but none of them are listening and they keep talking.

“The plain answer to that question, Thomas,” Anxiety says and cuts through as Logan finally starts to quiet down, “is that you did not follow through with that plan. Therefore, yes, it was a waste. See, Logan? I even used your reasoning to come to that conclusion.”

“Okay. That was your turn, now it’s my turn. Thomas, did you complete all that you set out to do? No. But you are leaving out a lot of the things that you did get done. This act of ignoring positives is called “mental filtering” and it is not healthy. Give yourself credit for the things that were accomplished.”

“Thank you, Logan.”

Anxiety rolls his eyes. This is ridiculous. Nothing productive will come of this either. And he’s feeling increasingly cornered.

“This is unfair. You’re rooting against me, and you’re the moderator,” he tells Thomas.

“What’s the matter, Anxiety? Are you worried that your silver tongue will land you in second place?” Logan asks and he looks so smug and happy with himself to the play on words that he just accomplished.

So Anxiety reverts back to his primal state and just lets out a hiss. He’s so fed up with this and he’s trying to keep himself in check, so he doesn’t explode in a ball of anxiety and hurts Thomas, or Logan for that matter. But it’s getting increasingly difficult and he just wants to get out of here.

“I’m sorry, did he just hiss at me?” Logan asks in astonishment.

“I do that when I start reaching my limit with stupid questions,” Anxiety explains and he hopes that Thomas will finally let him leave.

“Bear with me a little longer,” Thomas says instead and Anxiety slouches down on his desk. “Anxiety, this morning I went to go get a coffee and the barista was extremely charming.”

“Ugh, charming,” Anxiety says. He knows someone else how is charming and they are a handful to deal with.

“Things were going really well; there was some witty banter, and then at the inevitable ‘Enjoy your coffee’, I replied with ‘you too’. Did I-“

Anxiety doesn’t even need to let Thomas finish because he knows the answer already. He remember that exchange with the barista and the spike of anxiety when Thomas said: “you too”.

“You blew it and you’re a moron,” he simply states.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. Moving on-“

“Wait, do I not get a turn?”

“I don’t think it’s really necessary, his argument was pretty airtight,” Thomas says and for once he actually sides with Anxiety. It feels nice.

“Boom,” he says and points finger guns at Logan.

“N-No, no, it wasn’t. See, what you just did there, what Anxiety is having you do, is called “magnifying”, taking one or a couple minuscule possibly unfortunate moments and making them out to be bigger than they were. It sounds like the rest of the exchange went how an optimal courtship should be conducted.”

_What Anxiety is having you do._

Those words cut into Anxiety. They hurt. Because yes. He’s the one making Thomas think like that, isn’t he? He’s the one being a negative influence on Thomas. He’s bad for Thomas, isn’t he? If Logan says so, then it must be true.

“I mean, I guess.”

“He just wants us to ignore the important facts, the ones that matter,” Anxiety tries, feebly, to take control of the situation again.

“Falsehood. That is what you are doing.”

Anxiety is beginning to hate that fucking word.

“Oh, you so admit they’re important,” he says.

“Okay. You know what?” Logan asks and pulls out his vocab cards and a marker and starts writing something.

Anxiety feels like he did on the rare occasions that Thomas got in trouble in school when he was younger.

“What are you doing?” he asks, and tries to keep his voice neutral.

“I’m writing you a prescription for a figurative chill pill,” Logan says and shows him the card. He looks very proud of himself.

“Oh, oooh!” Thomas exclaims and Anxiety again feels the favoritism. “Okay, let’s move on. Last issue, I will throw out for open discussion. I posted a video recently that did not do as well as a lot of my other videos. Is this the beginning of the end for me?”

“Well, now you can’t argue with numbers,” Anxiety states because at least that Logan can’t argue against, can he? “I could very well be… Time to panic and/or cry.”

“Preposterous,” Logan interjects.

“Your mom is preposterous,” Anxiety bites back.

He’s resorting back to your mom insults. He needs to get out of here. He’s been out here for too long and he’s still a ball of nervous energy and this is doing nothing good for keeping him calm.

“I’m ignoring you,” Logan snaps and it shouldn’t hurt but it does. “What you’re doing there, Thomas, is called “overgeneralizing”. You’re letting one less than ideal event speak for any and all future events and that is a pointless venture.”

“Your mom is pointless,” Anxiety chirps.

“Let’s leave the mothers out of this, all right, especially considering the fact that neither of you have a mother,” Thomas reasons.

Anxiety feels a little bad. The closest thing that both of them have to a mother, is Thomas’ mother and she is absolutely lovely and doesn’t deserve his jokes. But he can’t stop himself anyway.

“If she did exist, she would be preposterous and pointless.”

“Falsehood!” Logan yells and his voice cracks.

It startles Anxiety for a moment because Logan doesn’t raise his voice. He’s calm and collected. He’s logical and somewhat emotionless. He shouldn’t be getting heated and shouting but then again, Anxiety has come to see that he is more than just cold and calculating.

“Excuse me. All I’m saying is that it is not the first time that a video has underperformed. In the past, has any specific video’s lack of popularity ever been indicative of a trend towards failure?” Logan asks.

“I guess not,” Thomas admits.

“Your life is proven to have its peaks and valleys but those valleys always eventually lead to peaks again,” Logan continues.

“So true.”

They are ganging up against him again and he’s had enough of this. He had had way too much of this in fact.

“You know what? I’ve had enough of this. None of this makes any difference. You know why? Because I’m right and you’re wrong, that is why,” he says and he knows that it’s not a real argument. He doesn’t care anymore.

“Savage,” Logan calls him and Anxiety stops for a moment. What?

“Wait, why are you complimenting him?” Thomas asks.

“I’m saying that he’s acting like an aggressive brainless savage. Oh, no. Is that another contemporary slang word I have to learn?” Logan asks and he looks a little overwhelmed.

“It is,” Thomas answers in a whisper.

Logan pulls out his vocab cards again and writes something down.

“Okay. I cannot keep up with these.”

And Anxiety cannot keep up with this wasteful scenario that it getting them nowhere.

“Here, I’m ready to give my closing statement. This is stupid. He’s stupid. I’m out,” Anxiety declares.

“Okay, he’s throwing a tantrum. I do not engage with tantrum-throwers,” Logan says.

Anxiety wonders if Logan meant for him to have associations between a tantrum-thrower and a terrorist or if the phrasing is accidental. Either way, he’s had enough. He just wants to go back to his room.

“Scenario over,” he declares and snaps his fingers and send them back to the real world. It’s a little more difficult to manipulate others’ dream spaces but the extra effort it worth it to have this be done.

“That was my dream space. How dare you?” Logan says and glares at him when they reappear in Thomas’s living room.

“Was it really getting us anywhere?” he asks.

“Actually… I think maybe it did,” Thomas says, which catches Anxiety completely off guard.

“How?”

How could all that stupid arguing have gotten Thomas anywhere?

“Well, when I messed up during the audition today, I thought the director immediately hated me but that may have been me jumping to a conclusion,” Thomas says and looks at Logan for reassurance.

“Correct,” Logan says and he’s practically beaming.

“You forgot the song! That’s the whole thing,” Anxiety argues.

“True. But when I was giving that second chance, I did pretty well. I may have been magnifying that one mistake to make it appear bigger than it was. I have to try not to mentally filter out the good parts of my audition. The parts I can look back on and feel proud of.”

“You learning things is the closest I will ever be to feeling love,” Logan says.

Anxiety wants to call bullshit on that but now isn’t the time.

“Great. So you’ve reasoned your way through today. Well, what’s going to happen if and _when_ you find out that you are not cast in this show?” he asks because that’s the thought that has plagued him since they returned home from the audition. He’ll have to be anxious and nervous until they hear back and if Thomas doesn’t get the part – which is the most likely outcome – then they will have to deal with all the emotions from the audition anew.

“Well, I’ll be bummed but I won’t overgeneralize. One bad audition doesn’t speak for everything that I have to offer. I’m capable of doing better and I will.”

Anxiety wants that for Thomas but he isn’t sure if it’s possible.

“Well done, Thomas. A+ for today,” Logan says.

“No. Well done to you, sir!” Thomas says back.

“And Anxiety-“ Logan starts but Anxiety doesn’t want to hear it.

He doesn’t think that he can bear it. It has already been too much. He knows that Logan hates him, just like all the others do. He couldn’t even accept Logan’s debate format or follow his rules. He’s useless and he only causes problems.

“Save your insults. I’m just going to deck out,” he says and cuts off Logan as he begins to sink down.

“Actually, um, I was going to tell you that was a good debate today,” Logan says.

Anxiety freezes before he’s all the way gone and comes back up. What did he just say? He must have misheard that, right?

“What…? W-what do you mean?”

“I mean you did a good job,” Logan repeats.

“How? I was barely trying. I hissed at you,” Anxiety says and feels a little embarrassed by that.

“Yes, I must admit that is a fairly uncommon debate tactic. But despite you clearly not enjoying taking part, you still participated, you offered your points, and you even reasoned in your own way, and all that is commendable.”

Anxiety doesn’t know how to reply to that. Thomas does apparently because Anxiety hears him whisper: “This is so pure.”

“I’ve got to say, I don’t really know how to react to you complimenting me,” he confesses. “I kind of thought that you didn’t like me, especially after last time when you called me a defeatist.”

“Well, you are wrong about a lot of things but I don’t necessarily mind your company,” Logan says. “The other two can bring in a whole lot of sunshine and that can be unbearable, and I can’t imagine having a debate with either one of them.”

Anxiety couldn’t imagine that either. Patton would want to everyone to get along and Roman would become distracted and go off topic constantly.

“I guess… I just kind of assumed that-“

“You jumped to a conclusion,” Logan says.

Huh.

“We were just talking about this, weren’t we?” Thomas whispers in the direction of his camera.

Perhaps, Thomas wasn’t the only one who could learn something from Logan’s reasoning and wisdom. Anxiety will have to reflect on their debate when he’s alone and has time to ponder.

“Touché. Thanks,” Anxiety says.

“Glad to see you guys working some things out,” Thomas says and he sounds so proud.

But it’s too much, too much has been happening. So Anxiety reverts back to his usual defense position with his walls pulled all the way up.

“We didn’t work anything out,” he bites out as he sinks down.

“He’s as stubborn as ever,” Logan says as he also sinks out.

“Ah, okay, moment of reprieve over as soon as it began,” Thomas says with a sigh and then does the outro for his video.

Anxiety dreaded when Thomas put up the cameras for this one but he felt like he found a bit of common ground with the logical side. Later in the day, when he’s materialized in Thomas’ living room and just trying to listen to some music, Logan approaches him.

The logical side says something but Anxiety doesn’t quiet catch it.

“What?” Anxiety asks and removes one of his headphones out far enough that the music fades a little and he can hear what Logan is saying.

“Now that we’re at a little bit of a standstill, I finally feel a sense of peace in this household.”

“I guess?” Anxiety says, a little unsure.

“The atmosphere is calm. The air is tranquil and it finally feels like we are at a point of higher sophisticated thinking,” Logan says and corrects his glasses.

“I’m back!” Roman asks as he pops up dramatically. “Did you miss me?”

“Your mom misses you!” Logan exclaims and Roman takes an actual step back. “I’m sorry while that was savage… it was a little extra.”

“What did you do to him?” Roman asks Anxiety directly but he doesn’t sound mad, like he does so often when he’s addressing him. Mostly, he sounds confused.

Anxiety doesn’t fight how one side of his mouth curves up in a tiny smile. But he does duck his head to hide it from the others.

“Logic!” Morality says as he pops up. “Now where did you learn such childish humor? Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk.”

Anxiety nurtures the little smile while the other three Sides start arguing, but in a mild-mannered way. It feels comforting to hear their chatter, even as he pulls the headphones back into their proper place.

Roman looks like he feels better after the bombed audition. Anxiety doesn’t feel quite so much at war against Logan. Morality is, as usual, just a ball of sunshine. And things have gone somewhat back to normal.

Logan taught him that he has a terrible habit of jumping to conclusions, especially about how other people feel about him. Perhaps all of the others don’t hate him? But he still can’t shake the feeling that he is the one negatively impacting Thomas’ life and he doesn’t know if he can ever stop doing that.

He just wants to fit in and be accepted. But that’s a tall order when you’re the embodiment of anxiety.

**Author's Note:**

> I know I haven't touched this series in a while! But I felt like coming back to it today and I always wanted to do a one shot on My NEGATIVE Thinking because not only was the video helpful, I also adore how it serves to shift the way Logan and Virgil interacts and you can see further down the series how much this bonding moment has impacted their interactions. I adore it. I hope you liked this one shot. I might do more in the future whenever there's a Sanders Sides video heavily focused on Virgil or just one where I think his perspective could be interesting to assume. 
> 
> I've got two more stories like this if you click through to the series. And I also have an AU where the Sides are elementals if that could be on interests, which you can find [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12902064). Anyway I hope you liked this and do let me know your thoughts in the comments.
> 
>  
> 
> Reblog on tumblr


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